Governments I want to slap

Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 12:17 UTC 7 comments

Tis the season to be silly, and whilst I’d hate to perpetuate cycles of violence, this whole “Iran threatens to slap Britain” thing sounds like too much fun to miss out on. This post is intended to be light-hearted and slightly sarcastic, so please don’t take it too seriously, after all, when governments slap, its usually the poor that suffer…

So, right now, at the tail end of 2009, who would I choose to slap? The rules here go thus: it’s the government and not its people who get slapped, and there must be some reason to carry out a slapping.

Iran – For killing protesters.

Britain – Oh, wait, what was that we were saying about Iran? OK, so Ian Tomlinson wasn’t technically a protester, but talk about the colours of pots and kettles. Its one rule for Iranian protesters and another for British protesters it seems. Also, Britain can have a second slap for the seizing of little old ladies camera’s during the Queen’s annual walk to church on Christmas day.

China – For executing a vulnerable person. If they hadn’t, they’d still probably get slapped for allowing a department store to build a “female car park”, painted pink and purple, and with extra large parking spaces, but I figure that pales into insignificance.

Egypt – For blocking an aid convoy with my friends on board. A four day excursion is now being required simply to get the vehicles to the border with Gaza. I really hope this dispels the myth of one big happy Arab family against Israel once and for all.

Denmark – For being almost the worst hosts imaginable during the Climate Summit. For basically encouraging America’s plan to have powerful nations impose a back room deal on everyone else. For orchestrating a complete lock down on anyone with a different opinion, including, astonishingly, members of official, UN recognised, state delegations.

Russia – For their addiction to dictatorship, corruption and a sort of machismo that could potentially threaten us all. Also for making it so hard to buy train tickets.

America – For continuing to believe that expansion is the only valid form of success.

Italy – Look, your premier is the respectable face of the new European fascism, but really, he’s having illicit affairs with girls only narrowly old enough to consent, let alone sleep with a man old enough to be a grandfather. For crying out loud, no political establishment should be proud of a man who does that.

Switzerland – For creating a law against one culture’s favourite architectural feature. OK, so this was a referendum vote, but anyhow point still stands, its just silly.

There are 9, and I’m struggling to pick a 10th, so now its up to you. Which state or government would you like to slap, and why?


Entry filed under: America, Britain, Iran, Politics, United Nations.

Branding of Hope and Repression Happy Miserable New Year

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Tim  |  Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 13:35 UTC

    Malawi – For arresting a couple that just wanted to get Married

  • 2. Steve  |  Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 14:21 UTC

    China only gets a slap cos it executes a vulnerable brit. No mention of the vulnerable chinese regularly executed. Classic tabloid logic. And italy where as i agree the pm’s sex life seems to be sleezy abuse of power, its consenting. Just think there are far better reasons to slap him.

  • 3. Steve  |  Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 14:24 UTC

    And it looks rather suspicious that
    Canada avoids a slap.

    • 4. Graham Martin  |  Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 20:43 UTC

      Damn, yeah, my famous paranoia shuts me up about Tar Sands. I can haz Visa still, plz?

  • 5. Lois  |  Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 14:55 UTC


    Sometimes I think we seem to exempt all African countries from any kind of blame for their actions, because they’re poor and we’re rich and feel guilty, and have contributed to their poverty. But whatever you think of gender politics,and wherever you are in the world, this isn’t right.

    • 6. Graham Martin  |  Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 20:45 UTC

      Actually, that would have gone in the list had I had the presence of mind to remember it when I was writing the list out earlier. Yes, I think Uganda gets a slap. I was originally going to give one to South Africa, but then remember that Zuma now accepts Aids is real. Perhaps he deserves a retrospective slap anyhow.

  • 7. betty  |  Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 15:04 UTC

    Oooo! Belarus! For – loving dictarship so much it succeeding from the Soviet Union to avoid having to deal with that pesky liberal reformer Gorbachev, the democratically elected Yeltstin, thereby creating a state which has no histroical precedent what so ever and yet has the most resistrictive visa regulations (from my perspective) in Europe, thwarting many a train jourey, and also (probably) the worst human rights record in Europe, (maybe second to Russia…we can debate.), lowest levels of religious freedom, and for being the only country in Europe to sill have the death penalty.

    (Also, just for the fact that Belarus and Russia are so pally-pally when Belarus got independence with no historical precendent and Russia refuses to recognise Kosovo, Chechnya, etc etc etc. )

    North Korea – Where do we start? We don’t even know what we should slap them for, that in itself probably deserves one.

    Well, there’s two to start.


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